Tips??

I'm recently working on a book called "Finding a Way". I LOVE to write, but I was wondering if anyone out there had some tips for me.....???

Here's a sample from my book:

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My shoes made a rhythmic crunching sound as they cracked the small grains of dry soil I trod on. I fell into their even beats and slowly seeped into a trance. Between the summer heat, flesh eating insects, and salty drops of sweat pouring from my brow into the corners of my parched mouth, I found myself longing to be anywhere else than where I was at that tiring moment. There were no clouds, no shade, no breeze. Only the feeling of bitter exhaustion and light headed weariness. As I continued on, my thoughts drifted back to that one day...that one, cool, merry spring morning when 'She' showed up. It was a pleasant, yet uncomfortable memory, and it seemed to be the only thing my mind would ponder as I walked. I remember everything...

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Let me know your thoughts in "comments"
~ xo